Let's Talk, Relationships

Toxic Love

When I was younger I foolishly thought my love a interest would say….

  • I LOVE YOU TO DEATH💀
  • I CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE💀
  • IF I CANNOT HAVE YOU NO ONE ELSE CAN EITHER💀
  • IF I AM ABOUT TO DIE, YOU HAVE TO DIE WITH ME💀

💀Even though I only used 4 examples believe me there are many to pull from but I am confident in the fact that the point I am trying to get across will reach someone.💀

I have learned that if a guy says at least one of those RUN FAR AWAY WITHOUT LOOKING BACK! When I was in that insane, toxic, and suffocating relationship I handed over all the power over thinking because he said he would kill himself if I ended it 💛HE TRULY DO LOVE ME💛SIKE…THE JOKE WAS ON ME!

Love is not meant to hurt emotionally & physically like he would cause upon me anytime I would not agree with him. Love is not meant for you to walk on eggshells in your own residence terrified one small comment would set your spouse off. The local police department should NOT know your address is a common domestic violence call.

Before I was in a domestic violence relationship I used to say “I would never let a man put his hands on me in a violent threatening manner and if my significant other did, then I’ll walk away from the relationship altogether”. After much self reflecting I can see why most still go back even though the truth is directly front of him/or her. Most times in the beginning the person seems to be your own fairytale love story brought to life. (Exactly how I was swept off my feet)

Think of it as a onion because at first your eyes do not get teary at all and you keep pulling back each layer. Your eyes start watering a little which doesn’t really effect you much and you keep going. The more layers you pull off the more intense your eyes become. Rubbing your eyes doesn’t help because you are only making it worse. Even if you stop pulling off the layers of the onion it won’t help because you already went too far and cannot stop your eyes from watering.

The point I am trying to make is this📝 No one in any domestic violence relationship WANT to be in one & most go way too far and by that time he/or she realize the truth it’s too late.

33 thoughts on “Toxic Love”

  1. Thank you. This post really is everything I want to say to others. I truly glad to have found your blog because each time I get stronger . It’s not easy to speak out when you can’t wrap your mind around what happened, or how you let it happen. My blog is about love, but you are so right, love is not meant for you to walk on eggshells. I was married at 17. Here I am divorced just shy of 30 years of marriage. There were so many honeymoon phases, so many times I thought it was my fault, No more! I left things behind, it’s not too late to find out who God designed me to be. Thank you! Watch me grow. LoveSurvived

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So many times I would say what I will or will not tolerate but little did I know that God would place me in a situation where I literally eat my exact words. By being put in my own situation I learned what Love truly is and what Love is not! Instead of seeing things as a mistake I decided to spin it as a lesson that I was taught in hopes of being able to teach others. Everyone has a unique story that is tied to his/or her life. The choice of what we do with our story is up to us. I am very hopeful that in the right timing I will be able to catch the eye of the guy that is meant especially for me. Until that moment comes I will continue to grow freely with no limitations and you will also! Your site name alone will give everyone that clicks on it the confidence to know without any doubt Love can & will continue to Survive💻. Your site from everything you have told me is exactly you spot on!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Especially where I live now, I see all the types of abuse play out around me. And yet women put up and shut up, because a woman is nothing without a husband and children. This is a “Christian” country which looks down on anything non-Christian and non-white. It’s scary how people put up with it. And you can’t get help because there aren’t any real organizations, the volunteers that do exist have their own agenda, and besides, men know best. And if you point any of it out, you’re the bad guy.

    It’s too easy to end up in an abusive relationship. Thank you for pointing that out. Just wish there was a way of letting people see it, too. Those involved and those not.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I apologize for something like that becoming the “norm” for you. Have you ever heard of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or seen the commercial for the candy Sour Patch Kids? Most domestic violence relationships starts out amazing but slowly start changing. When this begin to happen its common for the person who is experiencing it to place the blame on themselves just like LoveSurvived stated earlier. While you are walking on eggshells everyone around only see the mask that he/or she is wearing. Say if by chance you do begin feeling strong enough to tell others due to the mask that he/or she wears no one will take your need for help seriously. In my situation I kept it stuffed in my closet for too long that no one would believe the truth so I stopped speaking on it because I became tired of debating the issue with those around me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I remember those. It’s weird seeing that it’s so cultural, if that even makes sense. I can totally trace how the abusers work, and it’s a lot of charm and whatnot, but also the idea of you having to live up to the their ideal. I swore off Hungarian men long ago, and I’m not tarring all with the same brush, but there is a very persistent attitude of, “this doesn’t happen in our blessed country,” so they don’t talk about.

        I’ve seen strong women be totally broken and place the blame entirely on themselves, and I’d never judge or say it’s the woman’s fault. I could end up in that kind of relationship tomorrow, you just never know. But it’s the cultural normality of it that gets me. Most female friends and acquaintances, and their friends and acquaintances do not get along with their fathers after the age of nine or so.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. That analogy with the onion touched me. This is a deep passage indeed. And all the emotions we women go through, about love, life, pain, support and independence….you capture it really well. We can’t validate someone’s life, until that someone is we ourselves. And the same is true for our identity and individuality. 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have been a counselor/educator for four decades and change, now. My advice to anyone facing abuse is: Leave after the FIRST slap, or beatdown, be it physical or mental. That person does not deserve you in their life- and you DEFINITELY do NOT deserve him/her.

    Liked by 1 person

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