The Aftermath

The aftermath of any relationship ending is far from simple but having to handle the aftermath of a toxic relationship is another story. I often find myself hesitant to stepping back out into the dating world even though others may strongly suggest me to do so. Even though you can listen to the advice of others, the main decision making is entirely up to you. TRUST is a major part of any relationship including the relationship you have began to recreate with yourself. How can you possibly try to put your trust with your next potential partner when you still having problems trusting yourself? By not being able to trust the person who I am helped me decide that at this point in time I need to build myself back up first before opening myself up to the possibility of dating.

Being controlled is something that I steer away from because my last relationship left me completely isolated. Everyone was against our relationship (according to him) especially after seeing the things I refused to acknowledge. One huge red flag is if your partner seems to isolate you from your friends and family for no obvious real concrete reasoning. I never had the option to make the decision for myself because it was always his alone.

My ex partner led me to believe that I was not able to make correct decisions for myself which is something that has stuck with me even til now. Something I had a difficult time understanding until now is how on earth did I allow myself to belittled by him? The only answer that I could possibly come up with is my most likely my self-esteem wasn’t as high as I once thought. Many women and men think that after a break up the best option is to bounce right back into another one without taking the necessary time to fully heal from the last one. Healing is crucial when it comes to handling the aftermath of a toxic relationship! You are the only person who can start, pause, or stop your healing process and no one else. So in other words if you stop it, you can always start it back up again. All it takes is ONE step to get the ball rolling to regain your true self again. Keep in mind that no matter how long something has been lost with determination it can always be found again if the will to do so still remains intact. Every single day I put in much effort to do exactly that because I want to prove to my own self that I can be found again. All domestic violence victors can do the same also!

From experience the after effects are incredibly hard to sort through because your ex partner could have isolated you from your friends and family to the point that you don’t even know how to reach back out to anyone anymore. When talking to others who also has been in similar situations as myself the majority are afraid of reaching out due to the countless of times that he or she left but eventually went right back full circle. It takes great strength to walk away regardless of what anyone thinks because each time you will achieve a greater distance to the point returning will not be in your thought process. Always keep in mind there is no triumph without struggle and if that is what needs to happen for you to fully detach from the toxic relationship you were once in, so be it.

You are still a survivor!

I, myself went back multiple times as well but after seeing that this was a situation that was not only damaging physically but mentally too I made the choice to remove myself from the situation. I made excuses because that situation was something that I wouldn’t have thought in a million years could ever happen to me. It took me along time to acknowledge that I can be found again and take my power back while receiving the help to make it all possible. Therapy is a great way to handle the aftermath of a toxic relationship and doesn’t make you look less than or weak, especially if you cannot reach out to the people you were isolated from just yet. The possibilities are endless and little by little anything can be achieved. Be my guest and take my word for it!

16 thoughts on “The Aftermath”

  1. Hello, I have just read your post as my first one from your Blog. I am really sorry that you have had this experience. You sound like such an amazing woman who has this strength that just comes through your writing. I know you will find someone who will appreciate you and treat you like a queen. Thank you for sharing. ๐ŸŒธ I look forward to reading more posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you’ve had a controlling relationship experience. My marriage was like that. A few years ago, I dated a guy who tried to tell me that I had “deficits” and needed him. I was like, bye loser! Even if you trust in the beginning, they will eventually show themselves. And you’ll proudly walk away feeling relief and happiness rather than pain! Wishing you dating success ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kind words! It was a blessing in disguise because now I’m able to truly focus on me and my happiness without any backlash. I agree with you because a person can only play pretend for a little while and eventually the real person will come out(just like you said).

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Speaking from experience, toxic relationships can be very hard to walk away from, and I’ve done the back and forth thing too. I like how you said that’s ok that we do that because it creates more distance to the point we won’t go back at some point. That is exactly what happened to me but I’ve tended to think back at how stupid I was to go back so much. This helps. Thank-you. Hopefully we will have better relationships in the future.


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