FOR A FEW DAYS I HAVE BEEN CRYING MY EYES OUT CONSTANTLY. Maybe I have a few things I still haven’t released yet…So here it goes…
When I spoke of having a mutiple miscarriages in a way I did not go in depth about my experiences for a few reasons and I will explain in this post now. Allow me to be completely transparent for a few…
The relationship between the father and I was off and on for many years. Truthfully, even though most of the people were extremely close to me do not understand why I could so easily forgive him after everything he *SUPPOSEDLY* put me through. To be honest, for many years after I did have alot of HATRED toward him because placing all the blame on him was the easiest thing to do without noticing the 4 other fingers pointing back at me. Please understand when I speak of forgiving yourself 1st before forgiving the other person this is from EXPERIENCE(NOTHING MORE & NOTHING LESS) Any advice I give or situation I speak on is from experience because even though life as many ups and downs I rather help the next person who is going through a similar situation to have the guide to avoid some of the twist and turns to make the ride more smoothly and bareable.
The first time I became pregnant from him he was…
- Already in full committed relationship and I CONTINUED WILLINGLY TO BE INVOLVE WITH HIM.
- I became involved with him when he was involved with a MARRIED WOMAN who was having an affair with him behind her husband’s back; She asked to use by phone because at the time HE blocked her number. So many Warnings Signs I knowingly dismissed!
Who’s to blame? Me or Him?
Secondly, when I *FIRST* became pregnant by him and I suffered a Miscarriage. Due to the fact he was still in a FULLY COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP he broke down and confessed about giving me something in order to make me have a miscarriage because he was in a relationship. EVEN AFTER HE CONFESSED I STILL CONTINUED TO BE INVOLVED WITH HIM.
SIDE NOTE…NO MATTER HOW BADLY A WOMAN CAN CHANGE THE MIND OF A MAN IN ORDER FOR HIM TO STAY OR CHANGE…IF HE DO NOT WANT TO STAY…HE WILL NOT! Like the quote says “How you get him, is the same exact way you will lose”.
Example- if he was cheating on her with you what makes you so sure he will not cheat on you as well? Sit Back and ask yourself that question? Labeling yourself as a “Side Chick” is not a badge of honor and to be brutally honest…you are showing your self worth because no real queen should allow any man to think that his actions are OK and if in fact he does, gracefully walk away. His actions do not show that he KNOWS your true worth so he was not *the one* anyway. Be thankful you were saved from that fatal bullet…Now maybe after reading this hopefully some are able to UNDERSTAND THE QUOTE I ALWAYS SPEAK OF BUT IF NOT I WILL EXPLAIN.
BEFORE I WAS ABLE TO FORGIVE HIM I HAD TO *FIRST* FORGIVE MYSELF.
- I became involve with a Man who was already in a relationship!
- Not only was he cheating on his Girlfriend but he knowingly became involved with a MARRIED WOMAN!
- The biggest problem when it comes to me is that I HAD FULL KNOWLEDGE OF IT ALL BUT STILL CARRIED ON WITH HIM!
- Having unprotected sex with a man who was not my “HUSBAND” OR A MAN WHO WOULD SPEAK OF ME AS HIS ANYTHING IN PUBLIC…and after becoming pregnant by this same MAN told me out of his own mouth that he was the caused of my miscarriage!!!
No No No…I have to own up to my stupidity for accepting that type of behavior.
After I was able to forgive myself then that is where my strength to forgive him came from. One of the many lessons maturity has taught me is “A person will only treat you the way you have allowed him/or her to”.
My only prayer is for someone to learn from my experience and choose to walk in a different direction. The *out of no where* rollercoaster ride I go through is insane but no matter how long it has been the scars are still there. Maybe I was meant to help anyone who is currently in a similar situation👥TAKING OWNERSHIP FOR MY WRONG DOING HAS HELPED ME WITH MY INNER PEACE.