FOR A FEW DAYS I HAVE BEEN CRYING MY EYES OUT CONSTANTLY. Maybe I have a few things I still haven’t released yet…So here it goes…
When I spoke of having a mutiple miscarriages in a way I did not go in depth about my experiences for a few reasons and I will explain in this post now. Allow me to be completely transparent for a few…
The relationship between the father and I was off and on for many years. Truthfully, even though most of the people were extremely close to me do not understand why I could so easily forgive him after everything he *SUPPOSEDLY* put me through. To be honest, for many years after I did have alot of HATRED toward him because placing all the blame on him was the easiest thing to do without noticing the 4 other fingers pointing back at me. Please understand when I speak of forgiving yourself 1st before forgiving the other person this is from EXPERIENCE(NOTHING MORE & NOTHING LESS) Any advice I give or situation I speak on is from experience because even though life as many ups and downs I rather help the next person who is going through a similar situation to have the guide to avoid some of the twist and turns to make the ride more smoothly and bareable.
The first time I became pregnant from him he was…
- Already in full committed relationship and I CONTINUED WILLINGLY TO BE INVOLVE WITH HIM.
- I became involved with him when he was involved with a MARRIED WOMAN who was having an affair with him behind her husband’s back; She asked to use by phone because at the time HE blocked her number. So many Warnings Signs I knowingly dismissed!
Who’s to blame? Me or Him?
Secondly, when I *FIRST* became pregnant by him and I suffered a Miscarriage. Due to the fact he was still in a FULLY COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP he broke down and confessed about giving me something in order to make me have a miscarriage because he was in a relationship. EVEN AFTER HE CONFESSED I STILL CONTINUED TO BE INVOLVED WITH HIM.
SIDE NOTE…NO MATTER HOW BADLY A WOMAN CAN CHANGE THE MIND OF A MAN IN ORDER FOR HIM TO STAY OR CHANGE…IF HE DO NOT WANT TO STAY…HE WILL NOT! Like the quote says “How you get him, is the same exact way you will lose”.
Example- if he was cheating on her with you what makes you so sure he will not cheat on you as well? Sit Back and ask yourself that question? Labeling yourself as a “Side Chick” is not a badge of honor and to be brutally honest…you are showing your self worth because no real queen should allow any man to think that his actions are OK and if in fact he does, gracefully walk away. His actions do not show that he KNOWS your true worth so he was not *the one* anyway. Be thankful you were saved from that fatal bullet…Now maybe after reading this hopefully some are able to UNDERSTAND THE QUOTE I ALWAYS SPEAK OF BUT IF NOT I WILL EXPLAIN.
BEFORE I WAS ABLE TO FORGIVE HIM I HAD TO *FIRST* FORGIVE MYSELF.
- I became involve with a Man who was already in a relationship!
- Not only was he cheating on his Girlfriend but he knowingly became involved with a MARRIED WOMAN!
- The biggest problem when it comes to me is that I HAD FULL KNOWLEDGE OF IT ALL BUT STILL CARRIED ON WITH HIM!
- Having unprotected sex with a man who was not my “HUSBAND” OR A MAN WHO WOULD SPEAK OF ME AS HIS ANYTHING IN PUBLIC…and after becoming pregnant by this same MAN told me out of his own mouth that he was the caused of my miscarriage!!!
No No No…I have to own up to my stupidity for accepting that type of behavior.
After I was able to forgive myself then that is where my strength to forgive him came from. One of the many lessons maturity has taught me is “A person will only treat you the way you have allowed him/or her to”.
My only prayer is for someone to learn from my experience and choose to walk in a different direction. The *out of no where* rollercoaster ride I go through is insane but no matter how long it has been the scars are still there. Maybe I was meant to help anyone who is currently in a similar situation👥TAKING OWNERSHIP FOR MY WRONG DOING HAS HELPED ME WITH MY INNER PEACE.
*UNBREAKABLE QUEEN'S LIFE LESSONS DIARY* 
So glad you were able to find closure
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Thank you!
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I was involved with someone who was in a relationship as well. This is where I learned 2 very important lessons: 1. Love will have you doing some messed up stuff. 2. Anyone who ask you to put your self-worth on the back burner is not the person for you. For 5 years I believed that one day he would be with me. Classic, right? But I had to learn that God wasn’t going to bless me with him because he wasn’t mine in the first place. I allowed my heart to guide my decisions instead of God. After I let him go, I was blessed with a wonderful husband of my own. I apologized to his girlfriend about 4 years ago, because I was wrong. I didnt like her, but she didn’t deserve what we put her through. Thank you for sharing your story. A lot of people like to judge women like us who have made these kinds of mistakes. But this is journey that we’ve had to walk to understand and to pass on the knowledge.
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Yes! Like a child whose parent constantly warned him/or her not to touch the stove but still proceeded to do it anyway and had to experience the consequence from their action to fully understand their parent’s warning. At first I was upset & pissed at him for not choosing me in the first place but after careful realization I had to take ownership in it as well. How the hell did I actually think a man who had a girlfriend at the time while also being involved with a married woman could possibly be faithful to me? A man will go after what he truly wants! Yes indeed, love will have you do the most insane type of things. Back in the day I remember how I would leave my things (hair, clothes, hair accessories, lipstick) in his car wanting her to find them. Like the saying goes…”When you know better, DO BETTER”. I am doing so now😉
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My gosh, that sounds like a horrible situation to have ended up in
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It was but you live & learn so no ill feelings here. I look as it as a lesson💡
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Im happy for you and greatly admire you for having the courage to walk away and the strength to forgive yourself. I myself have been in that situation however, that’s changed as he chose to be with me and left his girlfriend for 10 year’s for me(they’re not married). They have a child together but he has truly decided that his done with her but will continue to support their child. I’ve been questioning myself the things that were mentioned earlier and at the same time i tried to look at his perspective as to what lead him to this decision. And it was because his partner cheated on him first with a guy who was already married and their relationship has been dead since then. I asked him the classics like why didn’t you just broke up with her and he answered that she begged him to stay for their child. Although he has chose me and is ready to build a new future with me, i still cant seem to forgive myself. I still feel guilty (and maybe i should cause im a horrible person) but maybe this person is being genuine about this with me. I need some help but as we all know, we cant open up to anyone when it comes to these kinda things. So, im coming to you guys xx
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Every man has the ability to change their ways but it only happens when he decides to. He took the necessary steps to become a better by allowing her to move on and cut the cord permanently. Just keep in mind that he also played the part and you should not be the only one feeling guilt. We live and learn so forgive yourself in order to move forward.
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