Dealing with domestic violence doesn’t always classify as Physical which some may assume it to be the only form there is. Having someone tell you continuously of how unworthy, ugly, useless, horrible of a person you are day in and day out with the fear of what is next is a form of abuse. Can you imagine having such a thing from the person who claims to love you? I for one had no clue of this to be align with my life because in the beginning signs were not at all visible. The signs that I speak of came later on down the line and because in the beginning it was all rainbows not fully understanding that the sweet side that I was familiar to was merely the calm before the storm. Being in that stressful situation taught to trust my instincts and have faith in my abilities to recognize when something is not quite right and ignore what anyone else says.
I recall the first blow that I ignored do to him apologizing immediately right after. Looking back I see the pattern that I gave him the permission to create. By me allowing him to blow up and accepting his apologies immediately after he formed a mindset of knowing ahead of time everything will be forgiven just like the time prior and each time before.
What sparked my post was a decision with a acquaintance of mine which lead to a friendly debate. I do not feel that abuse is something that any person want or first think that could possibly happen. Instead of shaming the abuse victim for not coming out about it sooner focus on the fact he or she has gained the strength to come forward now because from someone who has been in a abusive relationship it was a time that I did breakdown and reveal the truth to the people around me. The first emotion I experienced after was pure disgust not because of what has taken place but because of the opinions from the individuals around me. Many at first only experienced his rainbows while I was the one who dealt with the storm that took place before that. I cannot speak for every abuser but the one I had was extremely good at causing sympathy from others who in return acted as if I was the bad person in the relationship. (His power of manipulation did not stop with me as you can see.) Victim shaming only cause the victims to regret ever speaking up in the first place and make most figure suffering in private seems much more easier and reasonable. It should not take the victim showing a grave yard of proof for their voice to be heard. For the many women who are shamed everyday just think of how many men are terrified of it.
LET’S END THE SHAMING ONE VICTIM AT A TIME! IT’S VERY SIMPLE TO PASS JUDGEMENT ON CERTAIN THINGS THE MIND CANNOT COMPREHEND BUT HAVING AN OUNCE OF EMPATHY GOES A VERY LONG WAY!