Thinking Out Loud

I had a close friend ask me why I rather act as if certain past situations do not exist? Why I can have the up most respect for someone who I was madly in love with but would not speak to him if we by chance cross paths…Like my typical self I just shrug it off and left it as that. Due to the fact I can be openly honest with my thoughts here, I decided to explain my reasoning here. Before in the past many individuals I could be open to use my emotions as a sign of weakness so in reaction my walls are up 24/7 to most but not all. The backstabbing made me much stronger than what I actually thought. Strangely enough I am grateful, blessed, and humbled to each and everyone who taught me the amount of strength I had hidden inside that I had no knowledge about.To explain my answer I have to go back into the feelings my heart locked up deep within itself.

  1. Do it still hurt?…OF COURSE!
  2. Do I have any ill feelings toward him?…NO & MOST LIKELY I NEVER WILL!
  3. Did I truly forgive him and if so why will I not knowledge him?…I FIRST FORGAVE MYSELF & IN RETURN DOING SO HELPED ME GATHER UP THE COURAGE TO FORGIVE HIM AS WELL!

Even though nothing went the way I so desperately wanted; yet still I only want the best for him and his gorgeous wife. Notice I said “gorgeous”? It’s hilarious the look my friends give me because of the way I speak on her when some of them ask. Why is that? Should I be hateful against her for something she had absolutely no part of? What good will come from it?  When a woman and a man join together in the eyes of God as husband and wife they become 1. Basically speaking, if they are joined as a whole *IF I HAVE RESPECT FOR HIM…I SHOULD HAVE THE SAME EXACT RESPECT FOR HER AS WELL*

 Having hate in your heart only effect you and like a wieght wrapped around your leg while trying to swim; you will drown if you keep it on. By letting it go, you will have the opportunity to swim to the surface and take the breathe you need in order for your survival.

So much hate, negativity, and destruction already in the world…Why add to it? Instead, be the  exact same change you want to see in the world. I rather focus on the positive things vs. the negative things and keep it moving forward. 

I consider myself as a “WORK IN PROGRESS” Everyday I am allowed to see another day…that day I will spend the entire day working on myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. HOPEFULLY YOU ALL WILL TOO!

6 thoughts on “Thinking Out Loud”

  1. Inspiring post. Sometimes life is like that and it isn’t fair to us. It will give us so many moments to suffer and worry. But trust me, these are all for the best. These experiences will make you a stronger person. Have hope and wish you a beautiful day ahead 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t know if you’re still dealing with the breakdowns. But yeah! You’re strong enough to make it to the world and that requires a lot of courage. I appriciate and was able to indulge myself into your story. Heartwhelming. But there is a thing everyone should know. I too had a heart break, but that was the reason now i know what is finding love and keeping it alive forever. So pain and heartbreaks are the basic necessity of life. If they were not God would have made us in pairs since birth. So have faith in him and be glad for a new day. Surely you’ll experience a new life while living the same one. Once again, hope you get far from where you stand.

    Jeune Esprit


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