I listen to all types of music but truthfully rap music frustrates me because most times recently I rarely can make out what is being said…or when I look up the lyrics it doesn’t make any sense.
One rap song I love and constantly keep on repeat when I need some motivation to keep moving forward is Big Sean- “One Man Can Change The World”…It speaks to me in the sense of his grandmother who against the odds made it in the time African Americans had it rough but she didn’t allow her situation to stop her from succeeding in life. Not only did his grandmother surpass most African Americans but she also was one of the *FIRST BLACK FEMALE CAPTAINS IN WORLD WAR II*…Her story makes me question my own. What is the problem I have that makes me believe I cannot succeed in my life?
Truthfully, the only thing that has been stopping me in life*IS ME*… For a long time I would put the blame on everyone else not taking the responsibility I played in my own self destruction. In life everyone has “CHOICE” and because I made the “CHOICE” to allow my insecurities to hold me hostage…only I hold the power to free myself once and for all.
From a young age I have battled depression, anxiety, self hate, and antisocial tendency. For awhile I thought everything was under control but traumatic experiences back to back was all it took to unlock the box of emotions I kept hidden from everyone including myself.
The poker face I always wore started to break no matter how countless times I tried to superglue the mask back together. The more I tried, the more pieces would shatter and end up on the floor.
Which in return would send me to the hospital locked away for 48 hours. Keeping things pushed to the backburner only caused myself to have total mental breakdown…I could not muster of the strength to at all anymore. Having everything backed up only made myself physically and emotionally drained. I went from a beautiful, lovely, happy individual to a heavy, miserable, quiet, terribly frightened of everything person.
My room was my safe haven and sleeping was my vacation from reality. I tried many different things to numb my pain and almost everything was a “TEMPORARY” fixed (death was the only permanent fixed to numb everything once and for all). I admire a lot of suicide survivors because I can relate to their struggles and to the ones that succeeded my only wish is that you had the opportunity to stay and helped others (like myself)…but I will do it for the ones who ended their story early and hopefully make them proud.
*MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY IS IN FULL EFFECT🙏💪*