Leading Me Back

When most are in a panic I am in a calm yet peaceful enviroment that I created for myself and anyone else that wants to join I welcome with open arms. Yes, huricane season is in full effect but stressing yourself out doesn’t solve anything at all. Planning is all my household has done…we gathered what we could and let it be. Most would say no one is ever fully prepared and that is extremely true because think of a time someone has truly been prepared for something…honestly I cannot think of someone I can say has completely been prepared of what is bound to come he/or she way. No matter how much someone has no one is 100% prepared. My personal faith give me confidence to fear nothing and rely soley on Him and Him alone. I remember when because of me trying liquor by the bottles, sleeping pills, antidepressants, therapy, and even some all at the same time. After considering the fact that I tried everything I could possibly think of why not try Him? Maybe in a strange way this had to be done to bring me back to my Father…at times I truly believe everything had to be done for the greater good…*His Good* to be completely correct.

Growing up in church I remember a sermon about the “The Parable of the Lost Son” Well in my case *I am the Parable Daughter*…I strayed away years ago and after trying everything I could with no luck what so ever I went back home to my father. Just like the Father in Luke 15:11-32 (New International version *NIV*) He accepted me back with open arms.

All through out my life I thought because of the life I decided to live He would only view me as a outcast who was tainted and damaged goods. Strangly enough He allowed me to experience certain things in hope my damage heart and soul would lead me back after I ran out of options. Most children rather handle things on their own vs. asking the parent for guidance or direction but only when a child hit ROCK BOTTOM can after intense consideration run back for help. In my case I had no other option left. Every suicide attempt I made failed…either I would throw up the pills or I would wake up in the hospital without the knowledge of how I made it there. No matter how many attempts were made, no success at all. Everyday is special for me because while I made it, countless of others did not have the same gift I received. With that particular knowledge instead of finding why…I am looking for my purpose and reason behind my exsistence.

As long as I keep reminding myself my life has a purpose and each new day I will continue to search for it. When the enemy see that you are on the right path it will send things to prevent you from progressing correctly.

While in the shower I could not understand why my tears began running down my face. Suddenly my promise to myself at this exact same time last year was the reason behind my tears. In Florida this exact same time last year a hurricane ripped through leaving many homes without power. Asking for help is in my personal opinion is something that I have a issue with because so many held it over my head until I reached a point where I decided if I speak on myself no one can ever hold it over me ever again!

• I have been battling Depression for over a 10 years…
• I am someone who would self-harm by Cutting throughout my preteen & young adult years…
• I was molested by a family member and even after proof of what he did to me the excuses I was told basicly it was my fault and rape as well as molestion is a cycle that runs in my family so try to not dwell on it…😐 SHOCKED… Yes, I truly was but maybe the people who complain about my coping mechanism can understand why I shutdown automaticly sometimes. My body made it a habit to…Everyday I am becoming a better me and all I can do is TRY…But please understand in no way am I complaining at all about life because I have already taken full responsiblity for the role I played in it and forgave myself. To sum everything up even though I was crying in the shower last year on this exact day… the difference between the two is on this very day I was able to stop crying because of the amount of strength I possess!💪🙏