No Greater Sin

I see quite often society as a whole commonly compare one another as if the *SIN OF ONE IS GREATER THAN THE OTHER*. Even IF the statement is partly true who are WE to judge someone? We all have made choices in life that some may in fact regret! In my eyes regret serves absolutely no value when you actually take the time out and think about deeply. 

  • Can we go back in time and change it?
  • Do we allow it to paralyze our  life today?

    Why focus on the “What If”? Instead of seeing the situation as a road map guide to follow through life.  I always felt that if you do not like the situation or problem why spend time on it when you could be writing a game plan to solve it? 

    I used to be the type of person who would focus on the problem instead of the solution to the dilemma. Now that I know nothing  positive can come from that type of mind frame I began to change it in hopes of a better testimony to speak into existence. Pity parties are not meant to last forever just like “Storms” are not meant to continue 24/7…the longer you dwell on something without putting any action behind, chances are the only person you should place blame on is yourself! Nothing will move unless you put pressure on it to do so!!! 


    One of the saddest moments in your life can actually work in your favor. Using myself as an example (since the only life I know inside and out is my own💬) Everyone is more than able to turn a horrible situation into a positive one even if the odds are not in your favor. Comparing yourself to someone is a waste…NO, seriously its a WASTE! I truly believe that the only person anyone should be in competition with is the person who stares back at him/or in the mirror. No one else should not matter at all if you know you are living correct in your mind. Opinions are extremely common but its up to YOU to determine if you will take it or not. IN LIFE YOU HAVE THE FINAL SAY! No sin is greater than the other & concentrate on your life only because the opinion of others have ZERO VALUE! FOCUS ON YOUR OWN WELLBEING & CARELESS ABOUT THE NOISE AROUND YOURSELF.

    This is something I had to work tirelessly on especially when you +DEPRESSION WITH A CUP FULL OF ANXIETY the opinion of others around me who never dealt firsthand with some of the things I have…it seems as if this would a simple fix🙉!
     I MOST CERTAINLY THINK NOT! At first I would become a mess and then here comes the ANGER mix with ANXIETY AS WELL  SEVERE DEPRESSION. Only when I started isolating myself in order to think before I would respond in anger which could be taken as I have intense “anger problem”. (This is something that happened all throughout my life.) In order for myself to have others think differently I had to fix my demeanor. In reality I have a humongous heart & would help anyone that needs it *Including my “so call worst enemies”* because everyone wants to feel they are loved and have at least ONE PERSON on this earth cares 🌎. So I try to always be that ONE…This is where *PAY IT FORWARD* comes in play (THE MOTTO I STRONGLY LIVE EACH & EVERYDAY BY). 

    *SIDEBAR* Can you imagine how less cold the world would be if society as a whole would “PAY IT FORWARD”. It can be a small gesture for example…

    • Holding the door open for the person in behind you✅
    • Pulling the chair out for someone✅
    • Picking up something that a  complete stranger dropped✅
    • Giving change to someone who is searching for it & you have some to spare✅ (pennies, dimes, nickels, quarters,  or maybe even bills)
    • Compliments as well✅
    • Do not pass judgement✅

    One small gesture can affect someone in a positive way because we do not know what he/she is going through personally in their life. As someone who has battle Depression all throughout my life and I know firsthand how loneliness feels! If it wasn’t for the individuals that motivated & guided me through, who knows where I would be at this present moment?  

    *Some individuals I still communicate with or the individuals that I lost touch with.* All in all I’m thankful and now it’s my time to return the favor and “PAY IT FORWARD”.

    New Year’s Resolution

    A brand new year is on it’s way! While some see this as a negative thing allow me to shape it in order for you to see it differently. Here is a list of questions I want you to ask yourself in your free time.

    • Did you wake up each morning in 2017?
    • Do you have a roof over your head? (Any roof even if it’s technologically not your own residence)
    • Are you employed? Do you receive SSI or Unemployment? (Despite what you may think BOTH counts; while others were denied in your case that did not happen at all.)
    • Were you able to kiss your children each night in 2017 before bed time? (Since I myself did not have that blessing I have my angels looking after me from up above.)
    • Are you able to walk, talk, and have a decent conversation with no problem? (The simple things get overlooked because we are so used to having them while others do not.)
    • Are you in semi-perfect health or if you have a medical condition are you able to function with minimum complications from it?

    In life society have a horrible habit of focusing on what we DO NOT HAVE and forget what we DO HAVE! This was my problem as well but after much soul searching I recall a R.A. of mine who told me to “Always remember there will always be someone in this world who is worst off then you think you are right now“. No matter how many years have gone by her words will forever echo in my ears and I thank God for placing her in my life even if it was only for a brief moment. When things in my life go completely haywire I hear her voice replaying non-stop until I calm down. One of my favorite words right now is *HUMBLE*…It is not only a word but an action as well in my eyes because you must act it out & walk in it. Speaking it is only part of the equation but in order for you to solve it YOU MUST ACT IT OUT & LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST ALSO. *Lead by example and others will follow your lead*.

    New Year’s Resolutions should be something you are determined to make happen. If you are not driven to make it happen you will not care if you succeed or not. Time is priceless so don’t waste your own…in the same light as if you wouldn’t want someone else to waste it. I have said many times that anything is POSSIBLE EVEN WHEN YOU THINK SOMETHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! Check out the word you see after dropping “I” & “M” that in itself should tell you something and seen as a sign…With Depression itself everything seem IMPOSSIBLE but you have the power within to prove it wrong and not hold you as a hostage any longer. Since I know first hand that I would not take anyone seriously who haven’t dealt with someone who is suffering from it or dealt with it themselves…My NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION IS TO NO LONGER BE KEPT AS A HOSTAGE BUT TO ALSO BREAK OTHERS FREE AS WELL.

    • I want to become healthy spiritually, emotionally, and physically!
    • I also want to be better socially because without any reasoning I will shutdown instantly.
    • I do indeed smile now but in 2018 I want to SMILE even more.

    Simple New Year’s resolutions I am determined and driven to reach! I would love to hear some from others as well.

    Alone Or Not Alone

    This feeling of not being isolated by DEPRESSION but having countless of others who can UNDERSTAND first hand this DEPRESSION crap is no joke. So many emotions go through my head non-stop to the point I just want to find a hole and dwell there for a few. On top of everything crying all throughout today really helped me to release the built up hurt I sometimes keep hidden. I typically talk myself from reaching my breaking point on many occasions. At the end of the day if no one around me has my back He does and that helps tremendously. I honestly cannot count on one hand the people who I feel has my back because I don’t believe anyone truly does but GOD. Opening up to someone is extremely difficult because my trust in others is in such turmoil that I be upfront with my true feelings concerning allowing my guard to come down. 

    The topic of relationships is such a cut off subject for me. I can be head over hills one moment for someone but the next I will retreat back as if I am crossing enemy lines and once he discover me I quickly run away. Since becoming in touch with myself honestly I have come to the conclusion a relationship will never exist with my current state of mind. How can someone who is in soul & heart recovery *ICU* possibly think of adding someone into the mix?! I cannot even attempt to want or wish someone to sweep in and save me!!! Only hurt people, hurt people…if anyone in this current situation think that *Nothing is wrong with that particular situation* . To be brutally honest why would anyone want to put someone through that mess even if the person volunteer to? Let me say this quote again “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE”. *Period Point Blank*

    • Think deeply & closely about it …if you truly & care*for someone you should not. You are damaged and before you jump in *FIX* yourself FIRST. Even with myself I applaud the men who generously wants to walk along side with me but this is a walk that I need to walk alone (except for my heavenly Father of course). Truthfully if I sincerely care for a man I will push him away not for my wellbeing but mostly his.  
    • I do not want any man to sweep in to save me I prefer to save myself INSTEAD! Nothing against others who think differently but that is ME UNFILTERED, RAW and BLUNT!

    Once I hit my final destination then I will be open to the possibility of *LOVE*.  Loving myself is something I had to learn how to do it again. Not many can admit but I can proudly. Instead of wishing to be saved I quickly found a cape become my own personal “Wonder Woman”! Wishing doesn’t spead up a situation, instead it paralyze it. If you want something to change go out and make it happen and what I found after many soul searching meditation exercises nothing will move unless YOU DO.

    *If there is something you really want GO OUT & GET IT….SIMPLE AS THAT!* Depression plays mind tricks and I must first figure that mess out before anything else.


    I find it extremely difficult to sit down and have a conversation about why despite FORGIVING him I can never in my life publicly acknowledge his existence. The place I am at in my life now is 100% better than the place I once was before. All throughout my life craziness had a permanent home and due to that fact most situations do not affect me. I caution everyone I meet to NEVER say the phrase “It cannot get any worse” because when I allowed it to slip off my tongue all hell literally broke loose and sucker punched my ass in the face literally. 

    My personal faith led me to believe that I WILL NOT BE WHO I ONCE WAS BUT A NEW & IMPROVED  VERSION! Hoping, believing, searching, wanting, praying, and striving for a sign is all I possibly do. That is all I can do as a human being! Opening up to people is extremely difficult for me because the same people I allowed in used my weakness, circumstances, past, and fragile soul & heart against. So I have indeed built up a unbreakable wall around every inch of myself because I forbid to ever allow history to repeat itself. To know the person I would go over and beyond for is also the person who destroyed me mentally, physically, and emotionally but still I remained there for him. GROWTH taught me to keep myself out of compromising situations that can hinder my mental wellbeing. Counseling was not for me because bringing up that particular moment in my life only reopened the cut that I pleaded God for years to permanently seal. I constantly ask him why He allowed me to stay each time I tried to go but that is only my frustration speaking because I have learned how to separate the two. Meaning I know that my life has a purpose that haven’t been discovered yet. 

    *I talk myself from the edge as a suicide prevention coach do alot.) I can actually say it works since I no longer have trust in others. Even when I would attend counseling most of the professionals would commend me on how I try to keep everything intact while functioning in the outside world.*

     You may think that all professionals tell their patients that for encouragement but I can tell if someone is being truthful or faking it. *Keep in mind I am a pro at calling bluffs* It frustrates me when I get told that it should no longer affect me but I honestly do not think what had happen can be permanently erased. The reason behind the statement is in life you have only TWO options that can be done about experiences 


    “For every ACTION there is a REACTION!” My life has turned out to become something I constantly fight for in order to keep my mind up float with a positive outlook. Instead of just looking at it only in one direction when it looks horrible…I squint my eyes and keep moving until I am able to see it how I want it look. 

    When I was first diagnosis with *DEPRESSION* I believe it was first in middle school. Because of the fact that I learned to handle & mask it not many knew. Growing up I had it under control but once the situation with him happened everything went downhill from there. If someone would have told me this crap would have happened. I would have not believed any part of it! Replaying the demise of it all is earth shattering in my eyes because it all was unexpected. For many years I shed so many tears that could make a man-made ocean from them. Unfortunately, they do not have a stop button but crying is a normal part of grief and rarely now no one see my tears. I release them only in private and I am fine with doing so. 

    Crying is perfectly fine! I would drink bottles of alcohol, take countless amount of sleeping pills, self harm repeatedly, lash out on others, to prevent crying. When my body would build up a tolerance to the present amount I would add more. I recall explaining to the doctor when I overdosed on sleeping pills that *HONESTLY* I was trying to go to sleep not commit suicide. My body built up a tolerance & in order to sleep I had to take more than the amount recommended. When you sleep nothing can cause you pain until you wake up. *I am extremely honest about my suicide attempts and will tell you if that was a time I tried or not.* In life one of the biggest pill that I had to swollow was TAKING OWNERSHIP FOR MY ACTIONS! Throughout the years I would constantly point the finger at everyone else but ME. In order for my growth I had to take responsibility for my role I played with the relationship of him and I. If you read some of post I speak on it not out of placing all the blame on him but coming to grips with the role I played in it as well. 

    Even though the truth may hurt like hell in order to journey forward I had to acknowledge it. There is no one on this lovely earth I wholeheartedly HATE WITH A PASSION. It is perfectly fine for myself to dislike someone but HATE is something I cannot do. To be 100% truthful HATING someone takes up too much energy and because I am extremely fragile on the inside I am unable to do such a thing. TRYING IS ALL I CAN AND WILL DO. HOPEFULLY IT GOES FOR EVERYONE AS WELL💗



    OPTIMISM is the FAITH that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without HOPE & CONFIDENCE!-Helen Keller

    When I stumbled across this quote I had to do a double take because it caused me to sit back and go over it in my mind countless times nonstop.  I will explain why in a few moments but before that I would like to wish everyone “Happy Holiday to your family to yours”! Enjoy your love ones every chance you get because tomorrow is not promised!

    Faith is a marvelous power to have because in order to push foward in life you MUST have it. Remember if you speak it out of your mouth you speak it to LIFE be there is power in the tongue. I truly believe that saying to be true because on many occasions I stopped my OWN blessings from happening after I spoke it into existence. Not many understand that if you don’t have faith in your own self how can you expect someone else to have faith in you? Besides God who knows that you have it in you…no one else will back you if you do not BACK YOUR OWN SELF UP! We must stop sabotaging our blessings due to the lack of confidence in ourselves. 

    Here’s where CONFIDENCE comes in play… You can SEEM confident on the outside but if you are not confident on the inside it does not hold any real value. In many ways I would just “Fake it to Make it” which was a horrible choice since I would end up in the exact same place I was desperately trying to escape. To everyone around me I seem alright but eventually the mask fell off and I could no longer fake it even with them. Not only would you be in the exact same place as before but now faking it is no longer an option. You must first find a way to build CONFIDENCE within yourself.  Once that happens it will with no question reflect on the outside without even trying to. The amazing part of being alive is that whatever you ingest into our bodies mentally or physically will reflect on the outside.

    • For a person who drinks alcohol 24/7 the physical effects are SLURRED SPEECH, DELAYED REFLEXES, POOR BALANCE,& CLUMSINESS.
    • For a person who has Strep Throat the physical effects are FEVER, SWOLLEN LYMPH NODES, SWOLLEN TONSILS, & HEADACHE.
    • For someone who has The Flu (INFLUENZA) the physical effects are SORE THROAT, FEVER, CHILLS, NAUSEA, FATIGUE, & MUSCLE ACHES.

      To be sweet and straight to the point understand whatever may be affecting you on the outside will eventually affect you on the outside. It may not happen in a day, few weeks, or it may even take place many years from now but the point I am trying to get across is EVENTUALLY, YOU WILL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO  *FAKE IT*!  A car that needs a oil change can only go so far without popping open the hood in order to service the problem correctly. One wrong move or overlooking the problem at hand may lead into unnecessary & costly consequences. You can have faith & confidence in your car but eventually you will need to work on the inside even if the outside looks spectacular.

      The Golden Rule

      Remember the old saying “KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS” as well as “DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU” as a child I had absolutely no clue of the meaning but once I reached adulthood my thought process changed completely and the true meaning behind the old saying became crystal clear. Well, my personal take on it anyway. I would love to compare notes and hear other views on the topic. *Feel free to leave a comment below💬.*

      My take on the saying is this…by being kind to the individuals who are the opposite speaks positively on your character alone. Many do not understand being mean to someone is easy and is also simple but at the same time do not allow anyone to take you out of character because you are not liable for their actions. ONLY YOUR OWN ACTIONS ARE YOU HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR! To be 100% honest growing up if you disrespect me back then I would pop off without any hesitation…but here’s where maturity now comes in play. 


      SOMETIMES I TRULY BELIEVE THE MAJORITY OF SOCIETY ACT FIRST BEFORE RESPONDING.( I WAS ONE ✋) I constantly tell myself I will NEVER go to jail or allow someone to make me go. One wrong move in 3 minutes can ruin your entire life in a instant. No one on this earth should push you to the limit of that. For instance, is it worth losing your freedom? Worth years in prison? Worth leaving a child without either dad/or mom? If everyone can be able to take a few moments and weigh out all the *pros* & *cons* on your actions hopefully you will be able to let it go and move on. This was a extremely humongous pill for me to swollow. Value your life enough to walk away from toxic people but never stoop down to their level & treat them as they have treated you.

      If a mother who has lost their child due to murder can learn to forgive the murderer and move forward…most certainly we can let some of our minimum issues go. I carry no ill feelings toward anyone who I felt treated me horribly. *EX FRIENDS OR PAST LOVERS*  I constantly get asked why I always have a smile on my face….my reply is very simple & I will answer then give my explanation for it. 

      My reply is always “WHY ON EARTH I WOULD NOT?” In order to understand my thought process one would have been in a dark moment in their life that “smiling” seemed impossible to even attempt to try. For me I went through 4 years being unable to smile that now since I overcame my pain and still attempting to keep a positive frame of mind I STRONGLY REFUSE TO GO BACK INTO THE BLACK HOLE I WAS ONCE IN. Each day I learn something new about myself that I had no clue about. Foolishly in my past I gave up on myself but thankfully God didn’t and never will. My smile speaks volumes of my strength, willpower, and huge love for others. I want to inspire anyone who is feeling overwhelmed by life problems and want to give up completely…my smile proves that even if you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel it is there because if I can make it you can do the same as well🌞! Be the light that pull others through *hint hint* Pay It Forward is the motto I live by and constantly speak of. 

      Motivational ABC’s

      1. In life always take ACCOUNTABILITY of your own actions.
      2. BELIEVE in yourself even when others do not!
      3. If you are blessed to wake up each morning CELEBRATE the blessing.
      4.  DECLARE victory even when you have a hard time seeing it.
      5. Do not just EMPOWER yourself but EMPOWER others around you.
      6. Always have FAITH that every setback is preparing you for the breakthrough that is coming your way.
      7. “No pain, No GAIN!”
      8. You create your own HAPPINESS.
      9. Never stop IMPROVING on yourself!
      10. Bring JOY to everyone around you!
      11. KNOWLEDGE is power! 
      12. Remain LOYAL to yourself!
      13. MASTER the art of happiness and positivity.
      14. Never allow your soul to be on life support, NURTURE it continuously.
      15. OPERATE out of love, never from fear or hate.
      16. PAMPER your soul as well as your heart.
      17. From birth we were all given the title of QUEENS & KINGS!
      18. RESPECT your mind, body, & soul.
      19. Raise your SELF-ESTEEM in order to know your self worth.
      20. TRANSFORM your inside to  have it reflect on the outside.
      21. Become UNSTOPPABLE and chase your dreams!  
      22. VALUE the incredible person you are despite the negativity of others.
      23. WORRY less and love more!
      24. X-RAY vision can exist if everyone takes the time to see the beauty of one’s soul.
      25.  Recite each morning in front of a mirror “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!” YOU ARE WONDERFUL!” & “YOU ARE LOVED!”
      26. Your smile add a certain ZEST in the lives of everyone you meet.